My Uncle

When I was younger I was a very quiet child.

I never wanted to stand out.

So I never tried being close to any family member.

So recently I have been chatting with an uncle.

I could tell he was kind of sad he missed my growing years.

He may have missed it but I think it was better that he did.

I would never have allowed him to really know me anyway.

I still can't bring to let anyone to really know me.

Once they know I change my habits or places I hangout in.

So no one can find me.

I know he wants me to pick myself up and be all I can be.

But don't anyone ever think that sometimes I'm just tired.

Tired of always having to show the world that I can stand on my own two feet.

I know it's a good thing.

But come on give me a break.

I want someone to help me.

There I said it.

I want someone to help me to pay for my studies.

I know I can do so much.

I just need to get through this tough bump.

I will repay them once I get a job.

But everyone has their own lives.

And they would love to sit back and watch you work hard.

Be all you can be and feel good about themselves.

Thinking their words have been a part of getting you there at the top.

Just like no one was there to "save" me when I was younger.

What chance is there of anyone helping me now?

Now that I am old enough to stand on my own two feet right?

I know he means well.

But I still feel that everyone just says things.

Just like they did before.

So I guess I can never rely on anyone.

Just myself.

Just my lonely self.

I hate it when anyone says "I'm always here when you need me"

Or "I'm just a phone call away"

But no one has really been there for me.

When I really need someone.

I am forever having to find my own way out.

I'm so tired.

Most of my growing days

I always thought "Would anyone really miss me if I'm gone?"

Sure they think of how I'm doing.

But they were never really there to help.

I feel so unimportant.

Yeah money is not really that important.

Love is. Right?

But I never really felt that any of my family members ever loved me.

They always gave me this pity look.

I don't need pity.

I want to study.