What Am I Doing?

I have kept this blog alive and always knew that I will come back to it again one day.

And today is just the day.

The last post was years ago.

And as always many many many things have happened.

I may have gone away and met more people and done more things.

But one thing is sure, it feels like I haven't really changed much.

Still craving for THE ultimate human connection.

But alas, I may have lost that chance.

In my pursuit to be selfish and concentrate on me for once.

I may have just lost my chance to be with someone who might have been the one for me.

My perfect stranger has been popping in and out of my life over the years.

He makes me feel great one minute and disappear into thin air just when I think I really want to be with him.

And the last time I saw him, he was open to being with me but I was afraid and couldn't commit.

Because I thought he might just disappear again.

Which he did by the way.

I told him I wanted to finish getting my O'levels at least.

And he seemed supportive.

And when he faded away over the next few months.

My mind freeze'd once in a while.

I feared I may have made a HUGE mistake.

And I wanted to reconnect with him.

But he was cold.

Even through the texts, I knew he was already distancing himself from me.

And that left me crying through the night.

What the hell did I do?